Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I'm sorry your stepmother is a nympho

"The whole situation, it's complicated." That's what was just said on the sequence I'm playing behind me. None of what I should be working on seems to be properly prepared for me and I lack the direction on what to do next, and therefore thoughts began to swim in my head. Of course the situation is complicated. It's rarely simple. Real people have a hard enough time figuring things out. Once you throw in the paranormal all bets are off.

I'm having a rough self esteem day. Ever get those? I look at a hundred pictures of myself(guestimate, I didn't actually count) and in most I prefer what I looked like then to how I look now. Granted, looking through folders of pictures I remember that I, at the time they were brought on to my harddrive, I must have omitted those I did not like. So I am looking at the cream of the crop, and compare them to what I look like on a rainy Tuesday in October, when I already feel shitty about myself. In response I eat a bag of carrots and go for a walk around the neighborhood right before it begins to pour. And somehow by the end of my walk I've talked myself into walking confident. Somehow it changes how I look. I don't know how I do it, but I do it.

September was a pretty forgettable time, but I learned a great deal of what I can and can't be in control of. October isn't doing me any favors right now, and I'm trying to reel it in. It doesn't realize that I'm the one in charge of this fishing trip.