Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Still Downloading Your Music

I've been thinking a lot about the term "giving up" lately, and what it really means. Well, rather, how it's put into practice. I tend to try not to give up. There is no satisfaction, only regret when we give up on things. And a life filled with regret is a life of heavy thoughts and empty hearts. But sometimes you're forced into giving up because the outcome you desire is not tangible. Not getting what I want is a concept I try to keep foreign, but I know deep down inside what I think I want, what I know I want, and what I can have don't always live on the same plain, and acknowledging that is the first step to walking away from that regret and filling up the holes in your heart by finding the proper caulk, if you excuse a giggle inducing metaphor. 

I watch a lot of Lost and last week there was a discussion about time being linear. I have always accepted that our lives were on a timeline heading in the same direction. If we consider just time alone being the definer of this timeline, it's true. Minutes, hours, days pass by and we all move with them, not really toward anything, we just move forward. But beyond time, we move in so many directions. Some of us continue to move forward, but some of us move back, at different speeds and lengths. And some of us move everywhere, all the time. For a while I think I was forcing myself to move in one direction. I had tunnel vision and could see a light ahead of me that I thought I wanted to break through to. But I was derailed, and I looked to my right and my left, and I saw something. It was like a thousand holes poked through a black piece of paper. I saw light. It will always be up to me to break through any one of those holes, or to choose not to.  But that I know the holes exist means that I'm already ahead of the curve. 

Find your holes. 


Roxie said...

I'm sorry, what are you talking about? I was distracted by the notion of finding the proper caulk.

Roxie said...

And the word verification for my comment: "horin"