Thursday, March 18, 2010

Cut on Motion

I realize several things.

1. it's been a month and a half since I posted that thing about self-betterment and I can honestly tell you that I've failed at getting better. I'm sort of a hamster on a wheel right now, but replace that wheel with a couch, and put some chips in front of that hamster and you have me in the last four weeks. Not good. I have the small goal of feeling good, young and beautiful at one point in the next six months.

2. I started a Tumblr and I tend to throw all my energy into posting dumb pictures and songs on there, which isn't really what a blog is supposed to be. It's like this new loserly way of sharing your feelings. I kind of love how easy it is. I tend to think I was born in the right era because of how slovenly I am.

3. I've started working a creative job that requires me to sit alone in a room for ten hours at a time, and I find myself lonely, with a million thoughts going through my head. Last night I went home, and drank the airplane sampler sized bottle of bailey's my coworker gave me, and watched Nat-Geo (Ghost Ships of the Dead Sea...fascinating) and just couldn't stop my brain. This is a great thing, but a terrible thing when you are too lazy to find an outlet to express it all, and instead just hit the sleep timer on your tv and go to bed.

I guess the theme here is laziness. There are times in my life where I don't feel lazy at all, where I feel guided by routine, and even if there's chaos happening around me, I maintain a certain amount of control over that which needs to be taken care of in my life. This is not one of those times. I'm only about 37% in control. I have a feeling that my ideas are too big to get that percentage higher quicker. I can't be 100% in control any or all of the time. I can climb closer to that number, but I have to remind myself that it won't happen overnight like I'd like it to. So I'd like to be more in control, and I'd like to start accomplishing that soon.

Let's see where this takes us!

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