Monday, August 23, 2010

On Turning 30

I am days away from my 30th birthday. Some parts of me are filled with dread. I have taken on too much, and made much more of an ordeal out of this occasion, those parts think. Other parts are elated that so many people will be getting together with me, for me. Those parts are ecstatic, and don't know how to properly react. There were tears in the car ride to work today, I think because I was overwhelmed.

When I first reflected upon my birthday, I was worried that I would have an adverse reaction to the day of. 30 seems like such a high number. My mother was younger than 30 when she had me, and growing up, those ideas that life should be built within a set schedule gets tattooed on ones brain. And as I was looking at approaching 30, single, driven by work, feeling slightly bad about how lax I've become regarding any sort of exercise or diet regime, I was frightened of my reaction, without having yet reacted. And on top of my inner dialogue, it's been awfully hard to ignore the tick of that biological clock when you're being invited to 1st birthdays, and baby showers, and weddings (Oh My!)

But I managed to have a conversation with my little sister who reminded me that I've done great in my 20s(frankly I can't ever remember my 20th birthday...) I managed to go back to school and get a degree. I made friends I can now call family. I took control of my health and my body. I experienced real heartache and real love. I decided on not just a job, but a career. And I managed to find a hair color that really suits me. Through this decade I did nothing but improve; I've become closer to the person I've always wanted to be.

So with that in mind, I've concentrated my energy on thinking about what the next decade will yield. What I hope the future holds. Some of those things are superficial: a new car(that black lexus I dream of,) my own place(something with a washer and dryer.) Some of those things are adventurous: a vacation to europe(Paris more specifically,) eat $100 sushi (Nobu has my name on it,) a ride in a helicopter(maybe over a Hawaiian waterfall.) Some of them are for self improvement: take a cooking class, learn how to sew. And some of those things are driven by my human nature: perhaps being with someone who wants to help build this life with me. I look ahead and hope that in this ten year period of time that lays ahead of me fractions of these hopes turn to truths. And even the smallest fraction will make me more complete. And I ask you all to join me in this journey as I walk ahead to that day where this new decade begins.

1 comment:

StephanieM said...

All of this is truth!!
I want to be there and eat $100 sushi with you.