Friday, October 24, 2008

Give me something to talk about

I might have a case of the blues. I could barely get out of bed today, and I've been having wicked dreams. I'm not entirely sure I know my own city anymore. I used to have comfort living here, and now I just feel like a stranger. No, I feel unwelcome, and that's so much worse. It's like my favorite pair of shoes got wet and now they don't fit. I'm not sure how that works, but I never thought I would be the kind of person who could feel that way. A swirling spiral of uncertainty. I'd like to think that I'm going to "come out of this" but sometimes, after I've looked back at everything I've written, and all I've lived through, that there isn't an end to that uncertainty. You never do feel comfortable. 

I saw a girl on the street today, and she was smiling so big. I thought "She must be having an upswing." She must be dating someone great, have a good job, be able to go shopping when she needs to, living somewhere great, and just being great at life. And I thought "I wish it would just all come together for me." Right now my tires need changing. My job's about to end. I'm tired all the time. I just don't feel like that girl on the street. Every once in a while, though, I have to admit, my heart gets a flutter these days, so I'm pretty confident that I can be that girl on the street with the big smile on my face. I just need to hold onto that flutter for a little bit longer. Keep those butterflies living in my heart! 

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