Friday, March 20, 2009

Thinking of my heart.

It's unbelievable how fragile my heart is. I say it's unbelievable, but I have rarely let it get into situations where it could be bruised or broken. And even then, I take preventative measures knowing that if something were to happen, I can't blame any responsibility on my heart or the fated breaker of said heart. You're heart won't get hurt if you have a wall around it. 

But the truth is that you can't build a wall that will last. Time tears it down. The wall I build is made of a certain dishonesty. It's not a lie I tell myself, but rather the holding back of the truth. I seldom tell the people I love, and care for, how I really feel, and therefore can only blame myself when they walk away. Sad. 

I can't be responsible for people walking away from me. I can be responsible for not doing more for them while they were in front of me, but it's someone's choice to walk away from me. And it hurts every time. But if there is a master plan, and something to learn, I'm hoping that it will make me appreciate and understand the world better. But when it first happens, being a part of the world is the last thing this little heart wants. 

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